|
雅思写作之中式思维范文(bicycle) “bicycle”作者的思路是清晰的，但表达不明确，所以造成结构混乱的感觉，考试时会吃亏的。 下面就是这两篇文章。 中国作者的Bicycle （摘自网上雅思考生的习作） Bicycles have become more and more popular in China. People ride bikes to their work places, to shopping areas, to schools, and so on. During the rush hours, you can often see a boiling sea of bicycles running in all directions. With the largest number of bike riders in the world, China is often referred to as the kingdom of bicycles.?(主题句不明显，不知道作者想要说什么：自行车越来越流行，要讨论流行趋势？自行车那么多，要讨论自行车对城市的影响？中国是自行车王国，要讨论中国的自行车历史？ ) Compared with cars, bikes have many advantages（这应该是主题句，在这么短的文章里应该放在段）. First, they are not very expensive, and almost every family can afford them. （这句话分成2个句子比较好，一句是key point,一句做进一步解释）Second, they are very handy and convenient though they are not so fast as cars. With a bike, you can go anywhere you like, and you don’t have to look for a large parking place. By riding bikes, you can avoid traffic jams and thus save the time and the money for taking taxis（同点一样，但这一点思路有些乱）. Third, they do not cause air or sound pollution（?? Riding bikes does good to your health if you ride it regularly（这应该是文章要论述的第四点，但没有连接词，又分了段，打乱了文章的整体结构）. In modern times, people are usually too busy to spare any time for physical exercise. Riding a bike to your work place regularly serves as a good way to keep yourself strong and healthy. （2个句子的顺序换一下比较好。因为前面已经说了有益于健康，读者等着听解释，但作者却换了话题。句话应该是第二句话的原因。）? Therefore, a bicycle is really an important means of transportation in China. It has been very useful, convenient and necessary ever since it was invented. And I do believe it will still be so in the future.（结论态度不鲜明，没有紧扣主题句。 应该重述四个优点，然后给出结论） (责任编辑：admin) |
